IVF Round 2 has BEGAN .... 09.04.13

Spoke to Campbell over a month ago and we both decided to book IVF when my period came.

Well today I had my Prostap injection in my belly to stop me from ovulating/producing eggs. 

I will have my Ultrasound on the 23rd to check everything is okay ..... and if its all okay I will get the go ahead to continue and get my Nasal spray.

Looking forward to starting again.

Lets hope its second time lucky for us.

Found out the other day that my friend Samantha is also pregnant, after 2 miscarriages. Really hope this pregnancy works for her (I am sure it will) and that her and Scott get their wee baby. 

Baby CONNOR is here!!!! 07.04.13

So ..... last blog update .... my sister was pregnant and due in July. 

Well on Sunday morning at 02.05am, the 7th April 2013 ....Stephanie had an emergency section and Connor was delivered.

Connor was 2 pounds and 3 ounces. 

He was put straight on a ventilator but within 12 hours taken back of it as he didn't need it.

Hes 2 days old just now and doing really well, especially for his size and being 3 months early.

I love him already. Hes just so cute!!

All quiet .....

Apart from sister being pregnant, due on 6th JULY which is coming fast .... I haven't really though about babies :(

In two minds about doing IVF just now, not sure if I am just scared in case it fails again, that broke me heart. 

Anyway, I am still alive .... and will be blogging more when everything is GO GO GO again x

Tuesday 30th October 2012

Found out today that my sister Stephanie is pregnant, about 4 weeks just now roughly.

Didnt know what to think at first, she isnt desperate for a baby, like me, but does want a baby. Her pregnancy wasnt planned and she will be a single mum.

My first reaction, as big sister, was to worry about her, how would she cope, would she have help, could she afford it, what if she cant cope, and is she ready. I want to see her as a mum, but i dont ever want to watch her struggle.

She decided after a day that she was keeping the baby and that she would have to be ready. Although I am scared for her (in a big sister way), I am happy she is going to be a mum.

Shes one of the best carer's I know, great at her job, so I am sure she will a good mum, and I think she will adjust to her new life.

I wish her all the luck in the world.

She is due 6th July 2013. 

Oh .... and I am going to be an Auntie :D x

And Campbell and Uncle :) x

Zita West CD

Campbell sent me a Zita West CD for when I do IVF again.

I can't wait to use it. I cant wait to start again.

Thanks Campbelll, dont know what I would do without you x

19th September .... The plan begins :)

Started my new job today, 19th September 2012, and I am on probation for three months. This takes me to December.

If I am kept on, I am sure I will be, then I will go for another FET (my second one) as I will be in a job that guarantees maternity pay. 

I am hoping the next FET is the one. Really want to be a mum but I have some patience just now as I want it to be perfect and not a struggle.

Doing my house up just now on my days off hopefully have it finished in time for Xmas, and then be nice and settled and relaxed by the time the IVF starts again.

Positive thoughts the next one is the one :) 

x

Review Letter From Hospital

Got my review letter through today, Monday 10th September 2012. 

I have the go ahead to officially do another FET with my last 6 eggs which are frozen, with my next period. 

We have decided to wait for a few months though. 

I wanna sort myself out job wise, and also save up to do acupuncture :)

Then we can go again and hopefully get our wee miracle baby!!

xx

Low Point!

I am at a very low point of my life just now, one of the lowest. Our IVF failed and its broke my heart. Since then I feel like I am stuck in a rut with my life and things just keep getting worse. The ONLY good thing in my life at the moment is Campbell and my animals.

If I could, I would love to run away for a few weeks by myself and try and sort my head out, but that's impossible. 

I have been offered a new job and I felt REALLY good about it, but I may lose this due to an ex boss refusing to give me a reference. I wont even mention his name as he sickens me that much!

I really NEED and WANT this job so I can start to sort my life out, my emotions are all over the place, and then I can start to think about the future. 

Since last Monday, when I was told officially that the IVF failed (although I knew about 10 days before that),  I haven't thought about IVF or doing it again. Its not like me. I am desperate for a baby, to become a mum but I cant bear the thought of it failing again. When I am strong enough to try again, I will NOT test in the 2ww!! 

I wish I was back to Happy Me! I cant remember who that person is anymore.

BIG FAT NEGATIVE!! 27 August 2012

First attempt at IVF with a frozen transfer = NEGATIVE.

Heartbroken.

Official Test Day is finally here!

Today is 17 days past transfer. I have been testing through the whole 17 days and every single test has been negative. 

I had my bloods taken this morning and I will get a phone call this afternoon with the result. Although I know its a negative I am still dreading this phone call so much. I don't understand why I am dreading it if I know the answer, I think its just because its official that it has failed and our 2 little embryos did not make it.

Its going to be hard to accept the result, especially as its my first day at work. If I am lucky I will get the result before I go into work by about ten minutes, if not, it will be when I am in work and it will be a voice mail.Going to be hard either way and I feel that I will get emotional. I hope that I can last until I get home.

Today I feel down, and sad, and missing Campbell so much. Wish he was home and would never have to leave again. Hes my world. Hes what keeps me strong. 

So .... this horrible journey of being INFERTILE continues and I continue to DESPISE the body I have been given that keeps me from being a mum.

Shell wants a baby.

11 Days Past Transfer :(

Another negative this morning. Don't hold out much hope now. 

Just cant wait till Monday to have my blood test so I can know for sure.

Feel heartbroken.

7 days past transfer! :(

7 days past transfer and I have done a clear blue digital test.

Negative.

Could still be early but I am losing hope.

This two week wait could drive any sane person up the wall.

Doesn't help that Campbell isn't here and I am fed up :( Need him home.

Two Week Wait Begins

Home from Transfer, and bed rest is on the Agenda. Lots of goodies packed into the fridge including fruit and fruit juice :) And cupboards all packed too. 

Got laptop in the bedroom, lots of programmes and films to watch. 

Poor dogs are gonna be bored but they have each other lol. And they have their beds at the bottom of mine, so they can sleep here.

Campbell's away back to Bath and I miss him already. Its flew in too quick but I just keep thinking I could be phoning him in two weeks time telling him I am pregnant! Scary but exciting!! 

So .... feet up and time to rest. Grow babies xx

Frozen Embryo Transfer - Friday 10th August 2012

So, Transfer day has arrived. The sun is shining which is lovely to wake up to .... but even nicer ... waking up next to Campbell <3 

Had some early morning under the covers action!! ... They say sperm helps so we thought we would try it, haha any excuse!

Had a lovely breakfast and tided up the house. My mum dropped us off at the hospital and we went straight the theatre. This was about five minutes to three in the afternoon.

We got to sit in the reception waiting area for less than ten seconds and were told to come through. We got changed into the hospital gowns and hats and were told to come through to the theatre. 

The lady doctor doing the Transfer was lovely as were the nurses in the room that help out. She explained what would happen and that it wouldn't take long. 

The doctor also told us that our embryos were graded. First embryo was 8cell and was 6 out of 8. Second embryo was 9cell and was scored 6 out of 8 also. These numbers are good, we were told. Our other 2 embryos didn't develop as well as they could have so were not suitable for re-freezing. So we have 2 going into my womb today, and left with the other 6 in frozen storage. Happy with that :)

The Transfer didn't hurt, although at first, was uncomfortable. Campbell held my hand for that part, and then I let go when the pain passed. He then videoed the whole Transfer on the camera, and was able to see our Embryos going back in. From my angle it was hard to see so the video is even more precious to me.

The whole transfer was over in about 5 minutes and we went back to the wee ward area and got changed and then I was giving some more medication so I don't run out and that was it over. We made our way home. 

We got a taxi and it was very sweet of Campbell to ask the taxi driver not to go over the bumps in the road really hard ... the journey is very bumpy up the main road before our house, lots of speed bumps. Journey was fine and was glad to get home.

We both found the experience amazing, couldn't believe how fast it was. Now ... all we got to do is wait. Blood test is the 27th August at 8.30am.

Loving the belly kisses from Campbell .... and telling the embabies to GROW!! Hes so cute <3

Another phonecall to Lab

Phoned the Lab again this morning, this time with Campbell with me. This time it was the check that the 4 embryos were still doing okay. 

The nurse said that they were growing well and doing as expected! So Transfer goes ahead tomorrow at 3pm.

I cannot believe we are at this stage now. It feels real now, especially after the first fresh cycle being cancelled due to OHSS.

I feel so lucky and so happy to be here. Tomorrow our embryos go back inside my body, which I made with the help of Campbell's five minutes of pleasure (haha!) and in 2 weeks time we could find out if we are having a baby, or two since we are putting 2 back in.

I hope this works and our dreams come true. These babies are wanted so much. I want to make Campbell a daddy, hes going to be the best. I know I will make a good mum, been ready for so long and it could finally happen.

I have home pregnancy tests in the bathroom that I will start to test with nearer the end of the 2 week wait. I would rather know myself what to expect before I get my bloods done and have to wait on the scary phone call.

So .... Transfer of the frozen embryos are tomorrow .... wow oh wow!! Wish me luck, wish us luck!!

Fingers and toes crossed it all goes well x

Thursday 9th August 2012

This could be the last day that I am without child as tomorrow is the day our embryos go back in so we decided that since Campbell is home to have a nice day out. 

Got up and had a lovely breakfast then went into town to the cinema. Went to see TED which was absolutely hilarious .... with a wee bit of sadness .... followed by laugh out loud material! 

Then we went shopping as Campbell wanted to buy me a new housecoat and slippers for the hospital tomorrow. Housecoat is soooo fluffy and slippers are so comfy (thanks sweetheat).

We were meant to go for some lunch after Ted but the Pringles spoiled our lunch lol. 

TED

Christian Bale as Batman, Tom Hardy as Bane

Went back to the cinema to see The Dark Knight Rises, in the D-box seats. The seats move and shake with the film (at the right bits of course lol). Made the film feel more real. Loved the D-box technology. The film was absolutely amazing. 

So all in all we had a brilliant day out, then came home and ordered a takeaway which was lovely, although took ages to arrive and we were starving. 

Had my last bath for a while, as baths are meant to be avoided during two week wait.

Tomorrow we get to see our embryos and get them back in. lets hope they are doing well.