Monday 2nd April - Theatre Time

So, Monday 2nd April 2012, the day for the Egg Collection. 

Monday 2nd April 2012, ready for theatre

Everything went to plan that day, was feeling happy, and we went through all the details with the doctors. They mentioned if we collected more than 21 eggs, the cycle would be cancelled due to a risk of OHSS (Meaning of OHSS) and at that point, I knew it. I knew our cycle was going to be cancelled today.

So, trying to be optimistic and positive, we went ahead with the theatre. I remember talking through it, although I was unaware anything was happening, which was a strange feeling. When I came round from the sedation, I felt incredibly sore and uncomfortable. All I wanted was Campbell. I didn't manage to get a wee sleep or any rest after it at all. Campbell was still away as he thought he had plenty of time to spare before I came round :( 

The doctor came to my beside, and gave me the dreaded news. We collected 23 eggs, which is great, but also, that our cycle was cancelled due to this. I wanted to cry, but couldn't .... I wanted to wait until Campbell was with me. 

Campbell came in about twenty minutes later, and I burst into tears, took me a while to tell him why. He was so supportive but I felt like my heart was breaking. 

The pain still hadn't shifted by the time I was due to go home, but I kinda faked that it was, I just wanted home to my own bed. The pain was uncomfortable for a few days, but on Thursday night, late on, my stomach started to swell out, and the pain was a lot worse.

By Friday, I knew something was wrong, and called the hospital. I went to A&E as advised by the nurse, and Campbell came with me. I was in a lot of pain by this point, and feeling extremely faint. 

After a couple hours in the hospital I was told I had Mild OHSS, and that as long as I felt up to it, I could go home. I went home, nothing worse than staying in hospital. Over the weekend the pain has been almost unbearable, scary, and really uncomfortable. I have been up and down, but mostly down. At points I was so fed up, I was thinking I just want to give up ... just wanted that pain away. 

Finally, Monday, the pain started to ease, and there was signs I was getting better. Thank fuck! Excuse the language, but for me, that was a longgggg weekend! And one I didn't want to have to think about again. 

Today, is Tuesday, and I am finally feeling like I am on the mend. All isn't perfect yet, but I am getting there, so hopefully this will be my last day of bed rest. 

After speaking with Campbell, I am okay about our cycle being cancelled as I don't mind waiting three months, gives me plenty of time to let me body recover and get back to normal. 

We were told to phone the hospital back last Tuesday, the day after the theatre, to see how many eggs had fertilised over night .... well 11 were able to be injected, and out of that 11, they all survived and are now frozen. So, we hope that in three months time, we will meet one of them :) 

In the meantime, time to get better so I am in good condition. I am still positive we will have our baby soon. 

Love Shell xx

Declaration of love for Campbell McKee

One thing I know, is that Campbell McKee is the love of my life. One thing I know, he makes my dreams come true and continues to help me work at achieving my next set of dreams.

When we first met, we made a Wish list each. To me, none of that really matters, unless I have Campbell with me.

He is the most caring, loving, understanding, considerate and damn gorgeous, man that anyone could ever ask for. 

I know he gets embarrassed when I say lots of nice but cheesy things to him, but he knows hes loved.

This journey has been hard, but there is no one I would rather go through it with, than Campbell. He is the one, my one and only.

He is going to be an amazing Dad, a parent that all children would love (even though his baby name choices are cruel lol).

Thank you for being you, and thank you for being mine. DOT DOT DOT ;) x

Finally .... some good news

Campbell has found out that his job will be extended until January now so that is great news. I was worried about what would happen if his job did finish on Friday, but i am glad that it one less worry. Time to save our money again, pay off everything and have some fun.

I am also feeling happier today, think it was after having a chat with Campbell. Things feel good again.

Looking forward to the Halloween party in my sisters house this weekend. Plenty of photographs to follow. My favourite day of the year, although if the IVF happens and is successful, got a feeling that would be a bit more exciting lol!

Ebay business still doing well so I am happy at that too.

And next week to keep me occupied, we are decorating our living room in time for new couches arriving. Cant wait. Needs a wee update and brightened up. Painting will be fun .... NOT lol. 

Tears ! Fears ! More Tears

So today is the day my October period should be here. Still haven't had one since July. I think its made me moody and very emotional. 

The past couple of days, all i have done is cry and cry. I feel like i have the weight of the world on my shoulders, and it doesn't help that Campbell will be unemployed as of this Friday. This scares me. I am scared he will be fed up, as he likes working. I am scared that he will find a job that isn't in Glasgow, and will have to move away. I don't know what would happen to our relationship. I don't know what would happen to me. The last time he went on a business trip to Vermont in Amercia for a week, I was a mess. I could hardly sleep, cried alot and felt like i spent the week waiting by my phone hoping for a call. Lucky for me he called alot, but I still just couldn't wait till he was home. 

Our IVF is due about now, just waiting to hear from the clinic now. The last time we heard was September and it was on schedule, so I thinking it will come this week or the next. It terrifies me that Campbell might want to cancel the IVF treatment due to the job situation. Its a sensible idea, course it is, but what if we put it off and a few weeks later he has a job? Then we are still missing a baby from our life's. I have this Need and Want to become a mother so much, that I would do anything to make it happen. I feel like I will make a brilliant mum, I know I will (just ask my doggies lol), but why does my body not make it happen? Makes me so angry sometimes!

Apart from Campbell's job situation, I am also so stressed about college. I don't like it anymore, I don't like the people in the class, I don't like the lecturers this time around, and I really don't enjoy the work. I don't feel like I am learning anything just now, just the same as last year except the assessments are harder.

I am just in such a mood the past couple of days, that everything has stressed me out. The only thing that makes me happy just now is my dogs, and the cats. Their loyalty and bond they have with me is amazing. I suppose its the same as the way a baby loves you, as you do everything for them and are there everyday. Every time I have cried over the past couple days (which has been alot!), there has always been one, come up to me, as if they sense there is something the matter. I burst into tears in my bedroom when i was siting on the floor sorting things, and my female dog Jet, came over and sat on my knee and licked away the tears. So cute. This made me cry even more, but this time, in a happy way. People who don't love animals wont understand this, but i love my pets so much, especially my two dogs, they are my world and keep me strong through so many hard times I seem to have gone through.

Greyfriars Bobby

Wow, I am getting a lot off my chest night, and it feels good. 

Missing my Nana a lot these days too. Think about her all the time, miss talking to her, missing hearing what she has to say. Miss visiting her. Miss having a Nana. 

On that note, the tears have reappeared, so time to log off and say Goodnight. Oh and its almost half past two in the morning and I am not sleeping again. 

Life's pretty hard at the moment. I feel alone.

Shell x

Just want to say ....

Its been a hard few months, especially being made to eat kiwi everyday, but I just need to say how proud I am of my beautiful boyfriend Campbell McKee. Hes trying so hard to smoke free and is doing really well. I know he does struggle with it, and always has cravings, but he manages to say no. It will be worth it in the long term, if we get pregnant, but also for his health. He is getting on a bit you know lol (doesn't look it though)!!

Love you Campbell, always and forever xx

Ryan turns 2 !!

My best friends baby, Ryan turned two on the 26th August 2011. We had him stay the day after his birthday so we could take him out for the day. 

We went to the Science Centre, in Glasgow and had a fantastic wee day. Then home to play with his pressies which he loved. He is obsessed with cars, so we bought him lots of wee cars, and a big garage to put them in. He was so happy and content playing with them.

Science Centre Website

Ryan was a wee angel, playing with everything, running about mad, and just having so much fun. He is so funny, he talks a lot better and its almost a conversation we can have now. He is one of the brightest and most intelligent children I have known. My wee brother Stephen stands out as being really bright when he was young too, and I can see the same in Ryan.

We had a fantastic day at the Science Centre. I loved watching Campbell with Ryan again, hes so good with him and Ryan adores him. Campbell is going to make a wonderful dad. I know he will be strict, or says he will, and knows that he wants his child to have the best in life etc, but once he or she (especially a she lol) comes I am sure they will wrap him around their finger, as hes a soft touch once you get to know him. He is kind, caring and so loving. I cant wait till the day, that he holds our baby in his arms for the first time, I get emotional just thinking about it.

Being at the Science Centre with Ryan makes me realise how much being a mummy and daddy would suit us. We would be totally focused on our kid, and spend as much time as possible doing fun things, rather than worrying about nights out with friends, or times when its just us. Obviously we will want a break sometimes, but a kid could fit into our life so perfectly :)

I am positive about becoming a mummy, and hope that it happens. 

Its the start of September today, which means IVF in October is only a few weeks away. I am excited, nervous but most of all, I am ready.

Wish us luck <3 x