Declaration of love for Campbell McKee

One thing I know, is that Campbell McKee is the love of my life. One thing I know, he makes my dreams come true and continues to help me work at achieving my next set of dreams.

When we first met, we made a Wish list each. To me, none of that really matters, unless I have Campbell with me.

He is the most caring, loving, understanding, considerate and damn gorgeous, man that anyone could ever ask for. 

I know he gets embarrassed when I say lots of nice but cheesy things to him, but he knows hes loved.

This journey has been hard, but there is no one I would rather go through it with, than Campbell. He is the one, my one and only.

He is going to be an amazing Dad, a parent that all children would love (even though his baby name choices are cruel lol).

Thank you for being you, and thank you for being mine. DOT DOT DOT ;) x

Injection Disaster!

Don't worry, not a disaster as in theres a big hole in my belly or anything. Just a problem with air bubbles in the needle!

Tried for about an hour last night, wasting two bottles of the Cetrotide injection bottles (which I feel really really bad about, knowing that they could have helped someone else). 

An hour after trying, and a LOT of stressing, we gave up and phoned NHS 24. While waiting for the call back, i wrote my problem on IVF Buddies page on Facebook to see if anyone could offer advice.

Half an hour later we got the call back from NHS 24, and they basically said the same as some of the ladies on the IVF page who had commented. I was so grateful, as it meant I didn't have to miss my injection, or go to hospital at midnight and have it done.

So, we finally got the injection of Cetrotide done, and it didn't really hurt (or nip as I was told it would) which I was glad of. I think to be honest if I did hurt, I still wouldn't have felt it .... all I felt was relief that we got it done, and I could go to bed, I was shattered .... so was poor hubby.

Don't know what went wrong, as the Menopur injections were easy!! 

Last night made me realise this process is hard, but I am lucky to have someone like Campbell, he truly is one in a million. He was so caring last night, didn't want to hurt me or put me in any danger with the needle. But he braved through it to give it one last attempt and it was perfect.

He is going to make a fantastic father. I cant wait to watch every minute of it xx

Metformin!

So these Metformin tablets are strange. After being really ill on Saturday with them, I thought it would keep happening. Fingers crossed I have been okay since then, with sickness.

Everyday, I am feeling tired, stomach cramps, and a faint feeling. Trying to be positive about it, as its the end result that will be all worth this one day. One day hopefully very soon.

Campbell has been an absolute gem through this, looking after me and has the best words to keep me going. I just love him to bits, and each day he gives me another reason to fall in love with him over and over again. 

Got a feeling the dog is pregnant, watch this space, could have a house full of wee babies soon (or as Campbell calls them .... puppies lol)!! Love when the dog has a litter, they are amazing and I love being part of it.

Oh well, back to the housework as I am tidying up before going out for dinner tonight with hubby to Crowne Plaza :D how posh haha.

Shell xx

Monday 20th February 2012

I am writing this on the wednesday after as I couldnt face it.

Monday was my wonderful Nana's birthday (Joyeux Anniversaire) Monday was a really sad day for me, and I cried a couple times, just missing her in general and because I want to speak to her.

Not going to say much on the subject, would rather just speak to Campbell about it and get lots of cuddles to make me feel better. Just wanted to mention my Nana, she will never be forgotten and is my inspiration in life.

Love you Nana. RIP. Bon Nuit xx

Helene' "Anna" Maxwell x

Second Appointment Moved!!

So, our appointment is meant to be the 23rd January to find out dates of when the treatment will be starting and also to find out blood results. We have had to move this, unfortunately to the 6th Feb as I have an exam that day for my accounts class.

I actually don't mind too much, as I seemed to have found patience somehow, in this process. I think the patience has come from me being forced to wait for the treatment and there was nothing that I could have done to hurry the process along. Having to wait two years, has made me think, moving an appointment back a couple weeks isn't that much of a big deal anymore. 

I think its also because I feel positive about our treatment and hoping that I am correct, that the outcome will be that I am pregnant and in nine months time we will be parents. I think about it everyday, and although it sometimes scares me how much life will change, it also excites me. I am excited about going through everything, even the labour, and the night feeds lol.

So, February is going to be a good month as there is a few appointments/events happening. 

• 2nd Feb - Hypnotherapy Appointment
• 4th Feb - My 26th Birthday (getting old) and also my Granda's birthday xx
• 6th Feb - Newly arranged hospital appointment
• 14th Feb - Valentines Day <3
• 20th Feb - My Nana's birthday xx

My hypnotherapy appointment is to look at my eating habits etc. More will be explained after I have the first appointment.

My 26th birthday is a night out for dinner and then to the theatre to see Peter Powers! Will be a laugh.

6th Feb is results time and find out dates.

14th Feb is Valentines Day. I love this date! I love it because I have a very thoughtful and romantic partner. He is good at presents and cards, and doesn't follow the stereotypical presents, which i love as I love being different from everyone! No red roses for me :) 

My Nana's birthday is the 20th Feb, and although she isn't here, she will be thought about alot on this day, and every other day. I miss her so much xx

Will update very soon about February events :) xx

First Appointment - The Details!!

So, we went to our first appointment yesterday in the ACS department in Glasgow Royal Infirmary. 

Our appointment was for 8.30am, Saturday the 7th January 2012.

We were greeted by a lovely nurse called Betty, who talked us through some of the basic details and explained that today was just about a few tests.

Both me and Campbell had to have blood taken, and then I had to have some swabs taken and a smear test while I was there.

Blood was fine, we both held each others hands as the other got blood taken, I even watched the needle go into Campbell's arm. I must be getting brave!!

My smear was slightly nippy, but went fine and I was glad to have it done. Left me with a crampy belly but breakfast soon sorted that. We were given a handful (maybe two handfuls) of forms to take home and fill in for our next appointment, on the 23rd of this month. There was a lot of forms and we went through them over breakfast in our favourite cafe Celino's. 

After breakfast we headed to the Imax Cinema to watch a film then spent a few hours in the Riverside Museum, which was lovely. Our day out came to an end with a pizza hut and a taxi home to eat in the house in front of the tv. 

We enjoyed our day out. It was a good day and it finally feels like our journey towards becoming parents will begin now.

Over the moon its starting and that, within 3 months, we could be pregnant!! Fingers and toes crossed.

Also, just need to mention, so proud of my other half Campbell who's given up smoking completely. I know its been really hard for him, but I want him to know what I love him for doing it! And love him for alot more reasons!

Back to college and normal life tomorrow, and Campbell also has a job interview in Oldham, hope it goes well for him, he really really deserves it!!

Speak soon, from a very happy Shell x

January 1st 2012!

Its January !!!! 

Which means I should say:

Had a really lovely evening with Campbell last night, as we waited on the bells. Sat and gabbed away, watching something on the TV that made us laugh too much.

When the bells came, it was lovely. I felt really emotional, but in a good way. 

Well, Saturday is only 6 days away now and that will be our first appointment with our IVF treatment. I cant wait. 

Time to stop dreaming, and start believing now.

Children in Need tonight!

Watching Children in Need on the television tonight. Heartbreaking stories and tonight I feel lucky. I may have this need/want to have a kid, but at least I have never had to experience the feeling of losing a kid. Feel so sorry for the families and the kids! 

Send my donation in!

Been sitting in tears all night, watching with Campbell. When we have our baby, I will treasure him/her/them so much and do anything to make them happy and feel loved.

What's been happening!

Well .... still no period!! Patiently waiting but no appearance since July! Driving me mad now worrying about it. Hard to relax and not think about it!

Also, the past week I have been ill. My stomach has been agony and I went to hospital last night as the pain had got a lot worse. I was giving pills for the sick feeling that is always there and been told to get blood tests done. Inflamed liver, or just acid-y stomach was mentioned. Scary stuff.

I worry that me being ill will mean my IVF is delayed. Our IVF is delayed. I hope that's not the case.

I have been feeling really down about this, been crying a lot more, and unable to sleep. It seems when it comes to bedtime, my mind starts to think about absolutely everything and it makes me worry. My mind races with everything and sleep just doesn't happen until about 3am, and then the next day I am shattered and still sore with this belly ache.

Spoke to Campbell, last night, about IVF and what he thinks our chances of it being successful are. He said he doesn't think it will work first time. It made me feel slightly upset. Not at him saying this, but just the fact its what I think too.

I would love nothing more than to go into this clinic in November and then a few weeks later be told that we will be parents in nine months time, but the chances are slim.

I have to stay positive though, its difficult though, but I am thinking as positively as I can. 

Really looking forward to November and getting away in the motorhome. I am looking forward to spending time with Campbell, away from his work and away from the house. I am looking forward to walking my beautiful dogs along the beach, even if it will be freezing. Most of all, I am looking forward to feeling relaxed and content with my sweetheart again.

I feel like I am rambling on just now .... I just kinda feel a bit lonely just now. The girls have been great though, on the the IVF page on facebook, Jaime and Michaelene especially <3

Oh and lets hope the period appears this month, about two weeks time when it should be due. Fingers crossed xx

Just want to say ....

Its been a hard few months, especially being made to eat kiwi everyday, but I just need to say how proud I am of my beautiful boyfriend Campbell McKee. Hes trying so hard to smoke free and is doing really well. I know he does struggle with it, and always has cravings, but he manages to say no. It will be worth it in the long term, if we get pregnant, but also for his health. He is getting on a bit you know lol (doesn't look it though)!!

Love you Campbell, always and forever xx

Being alone with my thoughts!

I feel sad. I feel alone. I feel like I wanna talk, but cant sometimes. 

Alot goes through my mind on a daily basis, I think about everything all the time. 

One thing that I keep thinking about is my Nana. I miss her so much and everyday when she pops into my head, as something happens to remind me of her, I remember the fact that she wont ever see my become a mum. She wont see me married. She wont see me finish at college and make something of my life. She is the one and only reason that college is still happening for me. I will make her proud, even though she cant be here to see it. She wanted so much for me and my sister Stephanie, and I feel like we left it a little late sometimes, and fucked about a bit much. If I went into education when I was younger, she may have seen me finish. If my fucked up body worked like a normal woman then she would have seen me become a mother. If I would have kept my wedding date as 2009 I would have been married! I get so angry at myself and angry at the fact that I need help to make a baby (if it works) instead of it happening naturally.

I miss her so much, it really hurts. I think about talking to her all the time, and giving her all the gossip, listening to what she has to say. I miss her phoning me and making sure I am okay. I miss her sending me things through my mum, that she bought for me when she was out shopping. I miss her voice. I miss her advice. I miss having her in my life. 

She was so important to me, meant the world to me. She still does. I just miss being able to make new memories with her. I hate thinking that she is dead. I hate that her house will be sold and I will never be in there again talking to her. Her house was the place where we grew up and have all the memories. Its the house that she died in. Its the house that my Granda died in. 

People always say they wish they could turn back time. I wish that just now. I want it to be when I was 16, and she took me in her arms, cuddled me tight, whilst we both cried, and said I need you to change your life, make something of it. You need to come stay with me. I moved in after that and my life was better. I owe everything to her, and I wish that I could have been there when she died. I wish I could have helped her, although there wouldnt have been a chance to as it happened so quick. 

So many wishes, so many thoughts. Through tears just now I feel sad, but i know she would just laugh at me and dont be daft and stop crying, if she could see me. 

I done stupid things in the past, things she hated, but I know that she loved me and Stephanie. We were the ones in the family that she was proud of. We had jobs, money, houses, we are drug free, and dont need crime to make money. We were the normal ones and she loved us. I hope she can see us now, both trying so hard to make something of our lives. I am doing this for you Nana. I love you and miss you so much. Bon Nuit x

Ryan turns 2 !!

My best friends baby, Ryan turned two on the 26th August 2011. We had him stay the day after his birthday so we could take him out for the day. 

We went to the Science Centre, in Glasgow and had a fantastic wee day. Then home to play with his pressies which he loved. He is obsessed with cars, so we bought him lots of wee cars, and a big garage to put them in. He was so happy and content playing with them.

Science Centre Website

Ryan was a wee angel, playing with everything, running about mad, and just having so much fun. He is so funny, he talks a lot better and its almost a conversation we can have now. He is one of the brightest and most intelligent children I have known. My wee brother Stephen stands out as being really bright when he was young too, and I can see the same in Ryan.

We had a fantastic day at the Science Centre. I loved watching Campbell with Ryan again, hes so good with him and Ryan adores him. Campbell is going to make a wonderful dad. I know he will be strict, or says he will, and knows that he wants his child to have the best in life etc, but once he or she (especially a she lol) comes I am sure they will wrap him around their finger, as hes a soft touch once you get to know him. He is kind, caring and so loving. I cant wait till the day, that he holds our baby in his arms for the first time, I get emotional just thinking about it.

Being at the Science Centre with Ryan makes me realise how much being a mummy and daddy would suit us. We would be totally focused on our kid, and spend as much time as possible doing fun things, rather than worrying about nights out with friends, or times when its just us. Obviously we will want a break sometimes, but a kid could fit into our life so perfectly :)

I am positive about becoming a mummy, and hope that it happens. 

Its the start of September today, which means IVF in October is only a few weeks away. I am excited, nervous but most of all, I am ready.

Wish us luck <3 x

Update!!

Well the healthy eating is doing well. Still eating lots and lots of fruit, sometimes too much lol. 

Taking my vitamins everyday, which is amazing for me as I always forget things like that. I have remembered to take them every single day since I started. 

I feel like I have new energy from taking these. Usually I am tired a lot, and I haven't been. It feels good :)

Poor Campbell is almost forced to eat a kiwi every night after dinner. I read somewhere that it increases the health of the sperm. We laugh every night as Campbell will go find cookies, biscuits, crisps etc after dinner, but instead he is handed a kiwi LOL. 

Our relationship is making me so happy just now, we haven't argued or disagreed in so long that i cant even remember. We are paying off all the bills so that we can start saving our money for our future. 

All in all, life's good. And we are ready for a baby. Just need some help to "make" it.

Oh and I have just remembered, need to rebook Acupuncture appointment. Text sent to Campbell.

Content and Happy (for now)

I was saying to Campbell the other day, we have been together for over 3 years, and I don't know how he has the patience lol. I know I can be a pain sometimes, especially as I don't like sleeping before 4am, whereas he would be in a routine and in bed before midnight. I will be okay when I am back at college, I hope, I have just been enjoying my summer holidays just now.

I feel so in love, so happy and I feel like everything is falling into place. I have my place at college and start on Monday the 29th August 2011, and that's hopefully the next two years of my life planned. My relationship with Campbell is so strong, loving and we are really really close. We have our IVF booked, and a wee holiday for round about the same time :) I cant wait to get away. We have a plan to start saving etc and be "responsible" with money, and its by choice lol. Anyone who knows me saving is just not me lol. But I am trying, as I want a better life, and its something I am working on just now.

Below I have added, some photographs from over the years with Campbell, and our pets etc. 

Turbo

Jet

Turbo and Jet

Me doing the bbq

Campbell with Jet and my Mum :) x

Jet looking so young compared to Turbo

Campbell and my brother Stephen ducking for apples

My sister Kate ducking for apples

Me and Campbell x

Jet as a puppy x

Eilea as a kitten x

Eilea and Jet x

Campbell with Cole and Eilea

Haha

Me in Ireland

Campbell back in hometown x

Me sleeping with Turbo on the couch